heartbreak

Like stair steps in life
scenes play themselves out
sometimes allowing graceful accent

other times

we seem to stumble backwards

while still

moving ahead

realization

As we wander through life
learning to love
experiencing loss
struggling to cope
with gracious
well-mannered approach
it's easy
to fall short
as our sin
comes so thoroughly
ingrained

sky thoughts

Tonight's sky
is beautiful dark blue shiney
with millions of stars
glimmering, lighting, illuminating
a dark, crisp night.

Our heavens,
like a roof for our world,
look so pretty
that when gazed upon
can seem
unreal, imaginary, sculpted
perfect
for us,
today, this moment,
forever engraved
upon memory banks.

Thanks God.

Happy Holidaze!!!

thought from my day:

sleep with a smile under your pillow

good night

On the 1st Day of Christmas

On the 1st Day of Christmas
my true love gave to me

The freedom to be myself.

matching sisters

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are. While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need. Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational. You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

so where does this santa crap come from?

I'm in full respect of Jesus, but I'm having a hard time with how our society observes Christmas.
It's Jesus' birthday.
How about cake?
How about candles?
How about anything that reminds us how lucky we are to have a chance at redemption?

This doesn't include a fricken tree
or lights
or millions of dollars spent on presents no one gives a damn about in January.
Too many people don't have heat or food or water or shelter.
How in the world can we go on pretending like all is well when it's not?

Have you all seen "An Inconvienient Truth?" ???
go!!! it's your duty.

Life is short.
Give of yourself!
Donate time at a homeless shelter.
Donate a coat for someone in need.
Look outside & feel the pain that is Christ's donation to mankind.
Cry a tear.
Feel today.
Realize what it is to be human.

Happy holidays.

cemetary in Hartford, Ct

My Silent Partner

Lincoln's Gettysburg Address

Lincoln's Gettysburg Address — Infoplease.com

Hunting

In our eternal hunt
of partners
to share
and blame

can anyone predict
courses of shame
corners of naught
disbelief sought
on purpose?

ice cream bowls

This would make a nice serving size and the thickness of the clay might keep the bowl from getting too cold to hold.

a thought from Deepok Chopra

“Celebrate every loss, for whatever you lose is unreal, and once it is gone, only the real remains.”

ice cream flavor of the day

Breyers chocolate caramel brownie,
double churned, extra creamy.
oooo la la, good!
rich chocolaty, mmmm melts & coats my tongue
delicious good!

total stress control in a box
better than a date
never angry, never late
always frozen
forever waits
satisfaction in a bowl
calming spirit caloretic toll

time to walk the dogs
:)

precious

This week's travels

Just last week I told my friend I wanted to take her to the Wisconsin Dells. And wa-la I am asked to travel within 30 miles of there for work! wowzer...it's a quick movin' universe right now. I almost need a seat belt!

and so,,Baraboo Wisconsin here I come. Maybe this time I will have time to take the ferry. I was there a few years back, was on my way to the ferry when,,,a thrift store jumped right in my way. Well you know how that goes, 2 hours later I didn't have time, but did have a back seat full of crap which included new clothes.

In looking up history on the dells, I found this: (used without permission of course)
No history of Wisconsin Dells would be complete if it did not include H.H. Bennett's stop-action photo of his son Ashley leaping to Stand Rock in 1888. The studio that H.H. Bennett founded in 1865 has been continuously owned and operated by successive generations of his family. It is the oldest family owned photographic studio in the United States.

In 1999 the State Historical Society of Wisconsin acquired the studio with its priceless collection of photo prints, negatives and antique equipment. The studio has been restored, and its doors are open to the public.



very cool! To learn more history.

I remember going to the dells when I was a kid. It's one of those places I've always wanted to return to. I guess it's been commercialized and really built up with huge hotels & indoor waterparks. All I want to see is natures beauty. Oh and maybe a spa & hot tub room as long as I'm right there.

my January plans

Arizona

crispy night hike

frozen grass
crunches
underfoot
and sparkles
like a million diamonds
decorated
by moon lit strands of green

I hated
to disturb
this jeweled path
with my footprints
brief
as their stain
may be

today is a holiday

Day of the Dead - Dia De Los Muertos - El Dia De Los Muertos - azcentral.com

3rd place

I beg of my day
be kind
do not overload me
for I am frail
slightly injured
and slow to heal at this time

the day does not
care of my condition
a carried on mission
marches ahead
I struggle
to maintain

accepting
my position
I search for clothes
to help me rise above
escape this illusion
that I'm not
enough

completeness

could you imagine
if a person loved
with the whole of their heart
how much love that would be?

intensity
beyond comprehension
incredible strength
escaping intention
faith, trust, security
not even to mention
belief
in entirety

traveling

ideas flow like water and then

suddenly I'm sidetracked

having fun-August in Colorado

I miss my friend...

good shit maynard....

SBA - Small Business Startup Guide

stuff all good entrepreneurs gotta know

Connecting the dot with the smartest person in Arizona

Connecting the dot with the smartest person in Arizona

those poor arizonians are sure slamming themselves for their recent lack of school fund exposure. haha

Lifestyles

so I think the moral of yesterday's story is
"yes princess, you get to live your free spirit lifestyle yet another day."
and the princess was happy
and her dogs were happy
and all was well in the universe.

comments

hey, where are the comments?

doesn't anyone have anything to say?

hello hello hello hello?

California coast

grey skies

It's a gray day in this part my corner of the world. Luckily I have shelter, clothing & food. I really want for nothing.

Soon it will snow. I miss my friends I've been sent away from. Ah, this too shall pass.

I've a new mattress pad to keep my toes warm at night. Dressing my bed like someone I know, with lots of cush & plenty of pillows.

It's still a gray day.

residence

where will you live
until you die
silent like misery
denied as lost time?

where do you live
stuck in your mind
delayed by yourself
living knot in a bind?

how do we sea
ships lost but afloat
how can we love
sharing not of our boat?

Ian's Band- Duhkha

Dukkha, Duhka, suffering or unsatisfactoriness.
http://www.hermetica.info/Buddha2a.htm

just me

Congrats

Congratulations to all sobriety oriented individuals

especially those with 10 years under their belt

especially those wise enough

to not

ever take their sobriety for granted.

We should all remember,

each day is a present....

written June 24, 2004

Did you ever remember
what you forgot to forget?
Shadows of memories
dance across my days
I fear nothing
and all
at the same time

companionship

so interesting
deep friendships
can last forever
just like love
while lust
kicks up more dust
doesn't last as long
either way
it's a 4 letter word
powerful
like a storm
on a warm summer night
frequent lightning strikes
illuminate
only for brief seconds
or take a January snow
ice crystals
blow, whip around
creating sculptures, changing landscapes
killing
by frost
tender fingers of life
yet preserving, protecting
hidden strands underneath

gary

picture taken fall 2004

in memory

of Gary Reed

Oct 11, 1953-Oct 6, 2004

Gary

family pose
with baby tanya
summer 1981

Gary

outside Evergreen Colorado

picnicing with friends

summer 1981

gary

Wilson's Bar & Tap
Boone Iowa

sometime in the past

tallest-Gary Reed
sitting left to right
Jim, MK, Bill, Rod

dream hours

as he rolled over and looked at me
"I'll never hurt you" he said softly
I didn't look into his eyes
it's not that I didn't believe him
I didn't believe the line
perhaps it would be me
causing pain
perhaps something else
but there is always
pain

Less than a week later
we were over
a month of solid bliss
cuddling
great sex
playing house
getting along
tis over

I didn't see it coming
but I knew that coach would arrive
it always does
I'm a single princess
waiting for a prince
who wants
doesn't take much
just a desire
to be close
just a desire
to share
just a desire
to not
go alone

uncanny

my last words are almost upsetting they are so insightful.

and another month at Monarch and I am home. No lodge job for me. Can't get along with the other bitch in charge. Oh well. Guess I am not meant to be in Colorado right now. It's not that upsetting to my soul which almost surprizes me. and life charges on...

and the man. the man with blue eyes of steel. he sat quiet never passing judgement or offering an opinion of any kind to news of my departure. I'll close his book meant not to be written today and offer not paths to tears who may want to tell their own story.

pandora's box

once again
I feel blessed
or blind enough
to not see
rocks ahead

today I don't care
I love to hike
and waltzing down
safe paths
can be boring

I'll just say thanx
to unknown thrills
& any spills
yet to come

she needs no words

this is from Courtney's site.

Monarch Ski Lodge, Near Salida & Monarch Area For Hotel Lodging & Snowmobiling.

Everyone, let's go to Colorado!!!

holiday weekends

Happy 4th of July to everyone!


strange it seems something special should be happening, yet it's just another day. Weeds to pull, housecleaning to ignore. It's just another day. Can't wait till I can afford a housekeeper. I've decided it's really something I just do not like doing.

we did finally get rain though. My garden will love that.

The Owl Pages - About Owls - photos, calls, books, art, mythology and more.

The Owl Pages - About Owls - photos, calls, books, art, mythology and more.

my own advice

I wish I could learn to listen to me.
We (humans) should not get stuck in the past. And it's where I live. Attached. Obsessed. Confused cuz I know it's wrong. What the F***?
I just can't let go of something I know will never work. Now I say that, but I must not believe it, and I don't. Somewhere real deep I think it could work. However....in comes reality. I can never decide if this is when I should move on and forget ...or....
in the past when I moved on, I was wrong.
and now I've sat waiting...occasionally happy for 2 years. and on the other side of that...I've been sad. I've been terrorized by my own heart. Silly heart. Not very smart for being so old. It seems getting old is slowing my motion & movement down...grrrrrrrrrrrrr what's up with that? Time is shorter now, I should be moving quicker!!!!

Out of the Mountains

this looks interesting

Out of the Mountains

seeking satisfaction

escape from craving
more than depraving
avoidance within a mind

once made impression
self grade obsession
colorful paradise blind

seeking repression
living recession
abundant minimal grind

SFGate: World Views : Warning: Worldwide fat attack

SFGate: World Views : Warning: Worldwide fat attack

OCEANS RISING FAST, NEW STUDIES FIND / Melting ice could raise levels up to 20 feet by 2100, scientists say

OCEANS RISING FAST, NEW STUDIES FIND / Melting ice could raise levels up to 20 feet by 2100, scientists say

definitions

critical

• marked by a tendency to find and call attention to errors and flaws; "a critical attitude"
  
• at or of a point at which a property or phenomenon suffers an abrupt change especially having enough mass to sustain a chain reaction; "a critical temperature of water is 100 degrees C--its boiling point at standard atmospheric pressure"; "critical mass"; "go critical"
  
• characterized by careful evaluation and judgment; "a critical reading"; "a critical dissertation"; "a critical analysis of Melville's writings"
  
• urgently needed; absolutely necessary; "a critical element of the plan"; "critical medical supplies"; "vital for a healthy society"; "of vital interest"
  
• forming or having the nature of a turning point or crisis; "a critical point in the campaign"; "the critical test"
  
• being in or verging on a state of crisis or emergency; "a critical shortage of food"; "a critical illness"; "an illness at the critical stage"
  
• of or involving or characteristic of critics or criticism; "critical acclaim"

accept

• consider or hold as true; "I cannot accept the dogma of this church"; "accept an argument"
  
• receive willingly something given or offered; "The only girl who would have him was the miller's daughter"; "I won't have this dog in my house!"; "Please accept my present"
  
• give an affirmative reply to; respond favorably to; "I cannot accept your invitation"; "I go for this resolution"
  
• react favorably to; consider right and proper; "People did not accept atonal music at that time"; "We accept the idea of universal health care"
  
• admit into a group or community; "accept students for graduate study"; "We'll have to vote on whether or not to admit a new member"
  
• bear: take on as one's own the expenses or debts of another person; "I'll accept the charges"; "She agreed to bear the responsibility"
  
• tolerate or accommodate oneself to; "I shall have to accept these unpleasant working conditions"; "I swallowed the insult"; "She has learned to live with her husband's little idiosyncrasies"
  
• be designed to hold or take; "This surface will not take the dye"
  
• receive (a report) officially, as from a committee
  
• take: make use of or accept for some purpose; "take a risk"; "take an opportunity"
  
• be sexually responsive to, used of a female domesticated mammal; "The cow accepted the bull"

perception

percept: the representation of what is perceived; basic component in the formation of a concept

a way of conceiving something; "Luther had a new perception of the Bible"
the process of perceiving

knowledge gained by perceiving; "a man admired for the depth of his perception"

sensing: becoming aware of something via the senses

I really wish
some inspiration
would spill onto this page
life pushes me forward
yet my feet feel
numb
my heart looks
behind
good thing I'm not
Lot's wife

a salty start
into tomorrow

expanding with words

hirculation n. disease of vines where they grow no fruit

snobographer n. one who describes or writes about snobs

buccellation n act of dividing into small morsels

misqueme v. to displease; to offend

egrote v. to feign an illness

Hot Springs Pool - Glenwood Springs, Colorado

another absolutely great place to be:
Hot Springs Pool - Glenwood Springs, Colorado
We went swimming at night in February one year. I was worried I'd get cold when I got out of the pool, but no, the body absorbs so much heat, it actually steams with relief. The smaller, hotter pool has stairs along the sides for exposing more skin. Just as I got really overheated and thought I couldn't take any more hot steamy water covering my body, it started to snow. Little crystals of frozen sizzling as they hit my skin...wow!!!

Hot Springs Resort located in Idaho Springs, Colorado

Visit one of my favorite places in the world. I wish we were there...read all about it:

Hot Springs Resort located in Idaho Springs, Colorado

Lakota-words

Here's a link for my wenchie girl.

Lakota-words

unison writing

honey wind riders dipped in ice cream
topped with strawberries pretty red beams
licking by friends brought summer delight
memories warm for cool lonely nights

fast nights blurred past live passions of day
friends trading love felt not of the play
never knew then that ever they'd part
smiles licked their lips hid holes in their hearts

single neighbors

the neighbors wonder
why she's single
not overweight
seemingly happy attitude
the middle aged lady
who most the time
sleeps alone

on occasion
a silver truck comes
and parks overnight
then the lady she bounces around
for a day or two
and then isn't seen
again for awhile

oil monkeys watch
through dark sunglasses
the middle aged lady
as she lets the dogs in
led on a leash
through the back yard
in her back door
lucky dogs

connections

we are all
connected
related
together
in romantic
and not so romantic
directions
reflections
of our own
eyes


he turns
and remembers
another kiss
is never enough
he'd better grab two
we never know who'll
be watching
or who
will be there tomorrow

dreaming a dream

draw me a fantasy lover
a man to make my own
a gentle person to love me
attraction over blown

a mate to savor my presense
who won't leave me alone
whos heart is always with me
wether or not he's at home

I've fine tuned my wifely talents
I cook and massage up a storm
those feminists wouldn't agree
touting independence as regular norm

Hope is the thing with feathers

Poetry by Emily Dickinson:

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,


And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.


I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me"

Snowflake and Snow Crystal Photographs

Snowflake and Snow Crystal Photographs

No wonder every time snow falls, it looks a little bit different! This is a great site!

hunger

I woke up empty
I think I'm trying to fill
a broken vase
I've a leaky base
I need thicker substance
in order
to recover
from previous injuries

Timing

The moment mr. wrong moved aside, the very moment, I was stunned to find a kind hand reaching out to me. I'm surprised to find myself bound with invisible ties and imaginary restraints. It's been a while since I've even tried to move, unbeknownst to me.

I tried to run
but could not
my legs entangled
with yesterdays
vines I grew
and wrapped myself

I didn't know
weeds in my garden
had gotten so
out of control
pruning & clearing
starts today

I am lucky
another yard
tempted my noxious growth
away
I've only damage control
and not extermination
to deal with

great govt scandals

hahahahaha gotta love our freedom to make fun of the people taking advantage

http://www.sfgate.com/comics/fiore/

I guess this link changes with the day....what I wanted to point out was this
Gonzalez, Watchu and Howe by Mark Fiore archived from Feb 15, check it out......

silver linings

I debated deleting all my honest admissions about the idiot whom I help from time to time. I am only one of many crutches he keeps in the closet and I think I work for God, so if someone comes to me, they must have been sent.

I think I need to identify those sent from the dark side quicker although I always believe they stand another chance to see the light, to which I also believe shines through me via God.

Helping sometimes dims my beacon and I need to be stronger so I may withstand any harsh environment. As I write this, I look out my window to see a winter storm bearing down, blowing frozen bits of moisture furiously towards this white covered ground. They aren't falling, but are being whipped mercilessly, changing directions as the tones who scream through my windowpanes increase and fall in pitch. Snowflakes lucky enough to sail close to my house slow and seem to float with relief as they escape the extreme intensity of this day.

So my house does stand like a shelter for many and in a way I am also protected. Time to recharge and regain my focus. Many good days are heading our way & we all need to be ready.

gotta love that sf gate

this is so funny! what a great collection of lines

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/02/14/DDGRLH6M8S1.DTL

I feel so much better!!!!

dirty dogs

So last week I was reading this article

http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0210wsj-valentines-privateeyes10-ON.html


Early morning prayers however have delivered me and my spirit is high! Time to go hiking!

valentine tears

it's funny
this isn't one
of my favorite holidays

once
I fell in love
okay
more than once

once
I went back
to find my love
okay
more than once

once
I realized
I was only dreaming
of true love
okay
more than once

once
I pushed myself
to move on
dream new stories
live life today
and tomorrow
okay
more than once

once
I cried
so hard I knew
I could be heard in heaven
this
only takes once

no arguments today
I only seek
solace
love
peace

tight arms
strong relationships
friendships so robust
no interruptions
or interferences
to compromise
pleasure
gifted today

northern bc

I wish I lived here

tattoos

my daughter & her best friend got tattoos by Ian

my tattoo artist

http://www.area51tattoos.com/index.html

an inviting trail

it's hard to write

I'm basically unhappy. Not on the surface, but deep underneath.

Surface existing
necessary for survival
I'm wondering
how many people
fake happiness
existing
only to awaken
another day

receiving

love takes form in all kinds of places
or is that
love takes place in all kinds of forms

basically
love takes
and gives

recycling
is the way
of life
and death

like closing
opens doors
there is always
waiting more

kisses from childhood

How is it kisses from our youth imprint for life?

I've met several nice men over the last 5 years, all of whom I sent away. Let me right now apologize to all who relate.

It's a strange phenomenon when we want what we can't have. Being told no is like a double dare to try harder. Just what kind of fucked up reasoning is that?

And love, feeling love, is that ever for real? Kisses that bring fireworks, does that mean anything? It's so unfair one side can see colors and the other - colorblind.

End of the story: ouch. Life brings pain & so does love. and now I sit alone.
A lucky single girl.

hiding inside me

Funny, not like haha. I am finding I would rather read other blogs than update my own. What's up with that? Who the heck am I hiding from? I'm beginning to think it's me.

Today I went to court in support of my friend who is in trouble because he does things I don't support. Now how does that work? Actually, we're all in trouble for the smoky green stuff. Seems uncle sam still does not understand taxing marijuana would be a good thing, for the people, for the government & it's insatiable greed (need) of money. Anyway, me & my friends are being punished & unreasonably harassed, some of this which takes place in the court house.

Boone county courthouse: a big old building made to look all prestigious with it's marble stairway and ornate light fixtures. I can get lost just gazing at the ceiling and studying that beautiful detail.

And so, today's story was rather boring. Turns out his paid lawyer didn't really want to work & quit the case once he found it would be going to trial. I don't understand, it's a bullshit search warrant, full of lies & holes. How much work can it really entail? End of this chapter: it's all moved to another day down the line. On the upside; my suit looked great & gave me a much needed boost to my self esteem. I'm sure it can help me get a job.

Yes, optimism is a good thing.

update to forgotten men

Just in case anyone wonders, the lost man who called after all these years has found some young woman to keep him company. Says he picked her up by accident and has some story about....bla bla I forgot to listen. Anyway, it was a nice distraction to the other idiot who pretends he cares and then returns to his true love, a masked budweiser bottle.

My new found sobriety (Iowa law says no pot for me for 1 year) has lessened my tolerance for assholes on parade.

Someday someone who is emotionally available will discover what a gem I am & will beg me to spend my life with him. I'm looking forward to that fairytale, although I'm not sure I really believe it could happen.

old dreams for a new year

It's 2006. Wow. I sit here dreaming of a more perfect world. It seems I'm surrounded by idiots. Injustice permeates every inch of this world. We've tainted water, starving children, addiction run ramped, and everything hinges on money. Sad & evil. I can't be the only person who's heart bleeds sadness for our world. It's just so unfair.

One of my wishes is that I can make a difference before I move on (like up & out of this plain).

Things that hurt me so:

Addicted people cannot get help without money that they do not have.

Our politicians are totally missing the point.

Our silly president is not looking out for our best interest and rich people are plain & simple disconnected from reality by default of their money.

Huge corporations are eating up dollars and they don't care. PLEASE DON'T SHOP WALMART!!!!! Your money is your economic vote. We have to be diligent & pay attention. Poor people are being raped here!

Originally weren't police hired to make our cities a safer place? Printed on the side of police cars it used to say "to protect & serve" not harass & threaten.

When I was young I thought life was fair & people were kind. What the hell happened???